...and i'll be dead.

yaiks.

not literally, though. but i'd definitely feel like i am going to be dead in 10 days. why? X will be leaving for abroad 10 days from now...and this is the first time that we'll be that far apart in 15 years (well, almost) that we've been together. sucks eh?

worse is we've been busy lately with a lot of things. me on my finals in school and now on my upcoming first-ever makeup gig on the weekend, and him, well on other things.

no.effin'.time.for.each.other.

darn.

honestly, i don't want him to go. why? well, for a lot of obvious reasons.
1. as i've said, this is the first time we'll be this far apart
2. it's not that i dont trust him, but okay....i don't trust him when he's with his guy friends just because of his over-pakikisama
3. he's sickly and can be such a baby when he's not feeling well. who's going to look after him when he's over there? the thought of somebody else doing it makes me wanna strangle somebody else's neck.
4. let's face it, the place he's going to is considered to be one of the sin cities of the world. too much freedom. too many temptations. freedome + temptation + friends = not a good idea (not at all!)

but what can i do? he wants to go, simply because he wants to save more. but heck, i really dunno. friends ask me if i dont trust him that much. maybe i dont. people who know our whole story would understand why i feel this way...while the rest think i'm just being a paranoid gf.

i want to get my mind off those thoughts...but how?

i can seriously enumerate a lot of ways...but let's not even go there. not a good idea, either.

so what's left for me to do?

N-O-T-H-I-N-G.

it really sucks....it really effin' sucks!