here i am again, ranting about the same things over and over again. sometimes i do wonder whether i am fond of getting hurt, emotionally or physically (masochist) or i am just plain stupid?

most of the time, if not all the time, people tend to abuse me. not in a sexual way, of course, but you know how people would somehow take advantage of other people just to get what they want and then once they got it, it’s buh-bye for you. well, until the time they would need you again.
it’s just hard to accept the fact that there are people who would take advantage of other people’s hmm..kindness? (or stupidity) i know that there should be a certain limit as to how much you would be willing to give, but the hardest thing for me is i can’t seem to make myself do that. i’ll get angry once i realize they are using me, but i just can’t seem to get enough of these for i still continue to trust and give them what they need from me or at least help them in any way i can.

sometimes, i wish my heart can be as hard as stone…or just be numb. that no matter how they try, i wouldn’t give a damn because i am so damn tired of people using and abusing me in every way they can. i do have feelings too…i might be smiling most of the time, laughing, cracking jokes but i get hurt too…but unlike other people, i don’t hold grudges against those who have hurt me. yeah, i get easily angry at times but after some time, i would even be the one to approach and talk first. so i guess, that is why they don’t take me that seriously.