it has been raining like crazy the whole day today...and i myself is going crazy over the deadline i have to meet at work. but here i am, surfing, blogging and doing all sorts of things not related to what i should've been doing.

geesshh, i am so not focused...so immature. so childish...and i still have no direction in my so-called life. can somebody poke me in the head?

i know, a lot of people out there would love to be in my shoes. i mean, i lost my job a month ago but before i technically lost it, i already found myself a new one. it has been like this for years now. each time i would think of moving to another company, i can easily get a new job. i don't need to wait for some time and be jobless for a while. but here i am, bumming when i should really be working my ass off to meet my deadline.

i've been like this for years now. could it be because i don't really like my work? and that i love to do something else? but i know myself...if i wanted to focus on something though i don't really feel like doing it, i can. once i put my mind into it, i can. (sigh) i soo hate myself. i am one pathetic bitch, i know.

or maybe i am too preoccupied with a lot of things lately? could it be because for almost a month now i am confused as to where i am really going...as to what i really want in life and who are the people i want to be with? i feel so lost...so weak. i always do.

i hate myself.

okay...back to work.