(sob)
i still feel and look like a mess. my undereyes are still swelling, i'm so darn sleepy and bloated (ack!) and i don't feel like working! i just wanna go home and sleep. i sooo want to rub my undereyes like crazy but i can't. grrrr...
i keep on thinking what i've used to cause this allergies. but i simply can't figure it out, i've been on the same skin regimen for months now....so what could have triggered this? waaahh, if there's a doctor or derma reading out there who's reading this, can you please help me? i already asked my derma friend and she told me to just stop using anything on my face (smirks) easier said than done.
oh well...i still have 3hours to go so probably i'll just hang around and rant. i don't really feel like working despite the fact that i need to finish something today. my brain just wont work and i keep on fighting the urge to scratch my undereyes like there's no tomorrow. i still see little bumps near my eyes...they are so damn itchy! and my undereyes are so dry...i look old! waaaahhhh
if this damn itchiness wont go away for another day, i'll go and visit a derma. i need a second opinion on this. darn, i am hoping i won't be suggested to stop wearing makeup. please no...argh, no!!!
(pouts)
i went home early today after work...instead of getting out at 730am, i logged out of the office an hour early to go home. i decided to drop by our friendly convenience store to buy stuffs and breakfast.
as soon as i get home i switched on the TV and tuned in to HBO...heck, Music and Lyrics is being shown again. i remember seeing this on TV yesterday while i'm preparing to go back to Manila for work. so i sat in front of the tv, and watched the movie while eating breakfast.
i finished breakfast before the movie ended so i laid back and continued watching (yep, i lie down right after a meal..hehhe). so i was in the part where the movie's about to end...specifically at the part where Alex (Hugh Grant) is singing a song he composed overnight for Sophie (Drew Barrymore). I love the song so much...and just the thought of a guy writing a song to his beloved brings tears to my eyes...and whoa, i indeed found myself teary-eyed...geesh, i am such a cry baby. maybe i just felt like being in Sophie's shoes and the song really touched my heart.
DON'T WRITE ME OFF
It's never been easy for me
To find words to go along, with a melody
But this time there’s actually something, on my mind
So please forgive these few brief awkward lines
Since I’ve met you, my whole life has changed
It’s not just my furniture, you’ve rearranged
I was living in the past, but somehow you’ve brought me back
And I haven’t felt like this since before Frankie said relax
And while I know, based on my track record
I might not seem like the safest bet
All I’m asking you,
is don’t write me off, just yet
For years I’ve been telling myself, the same old story
That I’m happy to live off my so called, former glories
But you’ve given me a reason, to take another chance
Now I need you, despite the fact, that you’ve killed all my plants
And though I know, I’ve already blown more chances
Than anyone should ever get
All I’m asking you, is don’t write me off, just yet
Don’t write me off just yet
i was laughing at myself after the song...i sat up and continued watching while finishing my cup of coffee. then the part where the song "Way back into Love" is being sung by Cora (sexy singer) and Alex. Again, i found myself teary-eyed...i tried so hard to stop myself from crying...i even felt my jaws getting numbed from trying to resist the urge, but well, what can i say...my tears just started falling. i felt like singing the song myself...felt like, i wrote each single word in the song. i dunno what's happening to me but i can definitely relate with the song.
WAY BACK INTO LOVE
I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on
I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind
All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh
I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's gotta be something for my soul somewhere
I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions
All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end
There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation
All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end
(sighs)
i must admit that somehow, i lost trust in LOVE. or should i say, i lost trust in myself when it comes to LOVE. I came to a point where i started asking myself if i really know how to LOVE because, each time i'd try to love, things get messed up...my life gets messed up. and in the end, i'll be left with nothing but a wounded heart...more scarred than ever...more hurt than ever.
i even told myself to remember to stop once i feel i am beginning to love a person because i started to believe that love only complicates things. once you love, you expect...then you get hurt. i know one shouldnt expect, but we're just humans...we dont expect much (well, in my case) but at least expect that we'd be loved back...or maybe appreciated and not being taken for granted. sometimes we tend to think that it is love that we're feeling...only to find out that it's not...maybe we get tired of waiting for love to come to us that we oftentimes end up just trying to convince ourselves that we are indeed in love. but we are not.
we are all waiting for true love to happen...or at least find us. like everybody else out there, we know we are capable of loving someone, but we aren't given any fair chance to be loved back. i came to a point where i denied its existence...i locked my heart and threw the key away, but who am i try to fool here? At the back of my mind, i am still hoping for that someone to get the key and open up my heart again...and this time, try so hard not to break it but to hold it in his hands carefully...cherishing every moment with it and loving it with all his might.
(sighs)
what's happening to me? i'm being too melodramatic these past few days that even a tv commercial can bring me to tears...LOL. pathetic, i know...maybe it's because my birth month is getting near again...and you know what happens to people who gets a year older, sometimes they get too sensitive and dumb. hehheh
oh well...it's just me. the silly, getting-old me getting schizo attacks every now and then.
(sighs)
(time to change to my other self)
so now, let's talk about makeup...let's go to my other blog then...hahhaha
"you brainless, stupid little biatch haven't changed at all! and you think you're that strong, independent and sensible woman, huh!? you haven't changed a bit...in fact, you're worse than before....and getting really more stupid!"
dang...i've been trying to talk myself outta this mess i got in lately. been trying soooo damn hard to come to my senses and realize that it's not really worth it. geeshh...how can i let myself get into such mess when i already am in one? can somebody just hit me real hard? please..on the head? now!?
(sob)
all these time i thought i'll never let myself be fooled again. well, i know i am stupid already...but to get myself into such complicated situation while i am already in one troubled, complicated, messed up situation is really one wrong move i made just recently. now, i just want to strangle myself and die. or maybe walk blindly in a busy street...
acccckk! i'm such a loser...
