sometimes, don't you wish to just disappear and leave everything else behind you? do you ever get tired of meeting other people's expectations and then apologize when you fall short?

minsan naman, you get tired of pretending to be okay when in fact, you're not. and then people will sort of feel bad when you feel bad just because they always expect you to be okay and be their clown. it's like you have no right to be sad or to stop being happy because you're the one who makes them happy.

i am tired. i know i tend to show a different me all the time. yeah, i'm an active (i think) beauty blogger and people might often think of me as somebody who doesn't care about anything else but makeup and how to stay beautiful. probably the only adjective they can think of about me is "vain" and that's it. period. but i am not.

i do think about something else. a whole lot something else. sometimes i get tired by just sitting because i have my mind thinking about a lot of things. what i would do today, what i would need to do tomorrow...and where will i be the next few days. i think about my family...how on earth can i help them and of course, i also think of where would i be years from now.

i must admit, i am not getting any younger. wtf, i am turning 30 next month and here i am...still a nobody, and having nothing. i honestly think that i haven't done anything good in my life. and that i haven't met any of my goals. i see other people being happy with their lives...seeing pictures of them with their families (husbands, wives and kids) and me? well, i do have pictures of my dogs...and err, will the pictures of my makeup count?

sigh.

i hate it when i feel like this. i feel all messed up and lost. i am tired of giving and meeting people's expectation....when they meet a little of what i expect from them in return. then i end up swallowing my pride and being the one apologizing when i should be the one getting mad instead. i hate myself when i cant stay mad at a person longer.

i know i am not smart...nor wise. i know too that i am not rich, nor famous. i just wish i am happy and yeah, maybe stable.

and i damn wish that people won't leave me just like that.